Sometimes all we have is prayer. We find ourselves out of options, short on ideas, and tired. We want to see our circumstances, outlook or relationships change but we are all too aware of our inability to create the change we desire. So we are left with prayer.

That may seem a dishonoring way to phrase it but honestly I think that is how I have been feeling lately. When stressed, I discover a belief inside of me that prayer is an inferior option compared with my ability to act—to make something happen out of my strength, ingenuity, or wisdom.

Right now I am wrestling with what I believe about prayer. But that may be too simple of an explanation. Because what I believe about prayer has everything to do with what I believe about God. So maybe I am really wrestling with God or at least the expectations that I carry about who He is.

Ironically, the only way to deal with the questions that I have about God and prayer is to pray. Hudson Taylor said, "The prayer power has never been tried to its full capacity. If we want to see mighty wonders of divine power and grace wrought in the place of weakness, failure and disappointment, let us answer God's standing challenge, "Call unto me, and I will answer thee, and show thee great and mighty things which thou knowest not!'"

In order to persevere in this place of prayer, I am finding that I have to come to God just as I am. I can’t put on a “prayer face” entering into the discipline like I think I should. Rather I need to talk with God about what I am currently feeling and experiencing even when that expression is one of disappointment, disillusionment, or frustration. I need to talk with God even when I feel (pardon the expression) a little pissy.

I think God is okay with that. I hope God is okay with it. I guess through the process I will find out and likely come to a better understanding of myself and a truer understanding of God as well.